Parents and Parenthood

        

Yesterday was Mother's Day and maybe Father's day some time later etc etc...

Parents... Which means a father and a mother biologically and physically and of course love - care - share - protect and all those wonderful adjectives to describe parenthood.

I come from mixed parentage.... Father a Bengali from that side of the border (Bangal) and my mother an Anglo Indian (mixed blood herself)

I lost my father before I got a chance to know him as from a very young age I was in boarding school and he expired when he was 46 and I in school. I was not there in his funeral as Assam was in floods and road-rail and Airports closed so did not perform his last rites but could only participate in the shradh ceremony.

I lost my mother on that day itself  as she could not take the responsibility of being a widow and rear two young children and she just sank herself to death through depression and sickness. Her death happened in Sikkim and I was not there when she died as news came to me much later.

Baba was someone who I know as being a very strict person and someone who in his struggling years worked his butt off to keep us in clothes and away from hunger. It was only the last 15 years of his life when joined the tea gardens that he saw comfort. But honestly I did not know him. I loved him as any child my age would, but I did not get to know him.

I have some memories of him playing cricket with me or tennis and the patience he showed when he taught me to drive a car etc. He was proud of me but never allowed me close to him. He was not a hugging person and all the hugging I would do with his younger brother (Shanti Kaka) and he was like a father and in fact I performed the last rites for my Kaka. 

I do not remember having a conversation with him man to man on any subject except my studies and how I should shape my future post college. He would however talk to me of East Pakistan and Jessore and how he as a very naughty boy would always get into trouble with his father etc. Those stories I do remember and maybe they will always remain as to me those stories he told with pride.

Ma.... most memories are of those where she protected me from getting a trashing from Baba as I was a brat. She covered up well. Stunningly beautiful with a wonderful voice and could sing and play the guitar too. Fabulous dancer and a wonderful cook. She was good in sports and played hockey for her school too. She never scolded me and was proud of me come what may and I am sorry I could do nothing to help her during her down slide and I shall carry that burden or guilt till I die. 

So memories of both my biological parents are there but vague and with passage of time fading away. But I have had some other wonderful people in my life who while I grew up played their parts of a loving mother or father and in school I had Rev Fr Van- Mr. M Banerjea-- Mr Coutino--Mr Tshering playing their part of being my parent and Mrs Olga Rodregues (Aunty Olga) being my mother as also my mother's younger sister Aunt Renee. They also played the perfect parent and as I see write ups of Mothers and Fathers in FB

  I equate those writings to people who had for a while played that role in my growing up years.

My father in law and especially my mother in Law has been more of my real parents than they have been in-laws. Even today I respect them as my parents and funnily enough my wife's brothers and sisters respect me as their elder brother than Jamai Babu that I actually am to them.

So in my growing up years I did get a lot of parents and they remain very powerful to me even today as each one in the journey left something of them in me and if for any reason you see many facets in me it must be due to various influences in my life.

So to me the definition of parents would be totally different to others as I hardly knew them. Hence when I see Happy Mothers day or Happy Fathers day it has no deep meaning but a happy friends day would have a greater space or meaning......... 

Hence Tumee Kothai or Where are you????? And in the Sixties I had to survive on my own. Life unfolds on it's own terms!!!